My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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