Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
