I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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