as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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