Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
