idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
