The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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