I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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