connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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