Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
