you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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