My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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