I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
