ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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