Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
