I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
