never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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