I can tuck mytits in my pants
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Enjoy the penises
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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