I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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