What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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