just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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