i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
