I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
