But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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