listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
