My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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