Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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