Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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