So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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