Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
