So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
