marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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