Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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