I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
