She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
