Pants 0. Shit 1.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
