seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Actions speak louder than pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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