She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
