My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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