I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
