My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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