The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it glows. i had to have it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
