If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
