Will you blow on my dice?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
