glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
