I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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