i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
