this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
