using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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