I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize