im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
