I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
