hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
