If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
