Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
