i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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