Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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