Just cropdusted the office
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
