Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
