if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
