what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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