I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize