I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
