theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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