he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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