in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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