You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
