so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
